It’s really easy for me to look at my life right now and think, “What the hell am I doing with my life?” To say I’m simply bitter because I work full-time and don’t play music anymore is an understatement. Deep down I’m really angry at myself for succumbing to the forces around me. I didn’t have to stop playing music. I chose to stop playing music because a) I’m depressed and b) I’m not very good at doing what I want. I mean sure, I’m good at all sorts of random-ass things, but I’m not good at anything in particular. Nothing I focus on. I’m the equivalent of a wanderer trying to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time possible. I can’t do it. I mean, I’d like to. But it’s really really tough for me.
#VEDA starts Wednesday so I’m really excited about that. I need a community again, guys. I need to express myself like — FUCK! What am I doing working 40+ hours a week at a software company? What am I really trying to accomplish with my life?
When I first started working, a co-worker told me to enjoy life. I want to do that, really. But I’m not. Not quite.
I’m going to go to sleep now. Bleh.